I submitted a question to okcupid for the first time. It was rejected.

[darxus]

Do you have an incurable STD (Genital warts (HPV), genital herpes (HSV), or HIV/AIDS)?


[Poll #1050519]

The options were: 1. Yes 2. No


Here is some of the user feedback we received:

Response Comment

Offensive / worthless

Uninteresting or too obscure for most people
Near 100 % of sexually active adults have one or more HPV types, so you could just as well ask "Are you a virgin?" - which is a question that does not exist per se, but is part of the answer of a few others

Offensive / worthless

Too similar to other questions

Uninteresting or too obscure for most people
You thinkg soomeone with those conditions really wants to be reminded of this on a dating site?

Offensive / worthless

Too similar to other questions

Too similar to other questions(Emphases added.)

UPDATE: Resolution here.

Comments

[drwex]

Begging the gentles' pardons here, but are you imposing the same restriction on your partners? Because, really, by the time your partner finds out she's got HPV, you will have had pretty much all the exposure you need and are going to get.

This is not to say you can't have whatever dating preferences you like, but rather saying "being poly and making this restriction for your direct partners but not THEIR partners is roughly the equivalent of locking the front door while leaving the back door unlocked."

[darxus.livejournal.com]

I feel this has been sufficiently covered here. Everybody has HPV and I'm willing to drop that part. Also, I'm satisfied with the existing similar but different questions.

[perspicuity.livejournal.com]

well, for the last 3-4 years i've been monogamous - surprised? maybe not.

however, i do have some how shall i phrase this? ridiculously strong preferences for partners... to the point of being non-negotiable squicks in some cases. it's not so much a matter of decision as "ewwww".

i will not knowingly enter into a relationship if i know in advance, and am likely in certain circumstances to have "that talk" immediately, with the strong chance of a breakup resulting should things occur. i'm pretty open about this too. it's not a "SURPRISE!".

for example: smoking. ewww. really.

for example: drugs/addicts/etc, no thank you.

for exmple: STDS, and like drugs, there's not much you can *do* about some of them, but if the person knows, and tells you, knowledge is good. if they get something during, and oh say, we're monogamous, there shall be some reckoning...

and this is reciprocal as well to the point they have similar "rules"... if i found out some problem came up, i'd be informing them immediately.

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[drwex]

I'm not surprised by anyone's monogamy. It is the default orientation, by a large majority. Also, I'm fine with you or anyone else having whatever restrictions you want to have on whomever you date. The question is, in a poly situation, are those restrictions transitive?

I suppose in a monogamous situation you might want to ask for how long the condition pertained. Would you date someone who had just quit smoking last month? Last week? Yesterday? Those are rhetorical questions - I'm just trying to make the point that it's not a simple yes/no. Both poly and mono people have to sketch out boundaries they feel comfortable within and simple rules rarely describe those boundaries accurately.

[perspicuity.livejournal.com]

many of these, shall we call them traits? ARE binary yes/no. there's just no middle ground.

now for the traits that can change state as it were, there's some flexibility. for instance, cheating: you are or you are not. if that changes, so does the response (ie: strike 1 of 1, you're out). smoking? given how addictive that is, i'd have a hard time believing someone who just quit last week... very few people have that kind of iron will, and i'd like to meet such a person :) a month? go team! longer? how about relapses? tricky not yes/no. has never come up though.

i've been asked to become a vegan. i came back with how unlikely that was, and explained why. that was a condition of theirs, and i can respect that. it is a two way street.

the transitive worries happen when they happen. some of these are also binary, and some are not. the binary ones are perhaps easier, but more sad.

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