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Turned master breaker off
Somebody said it sounds like I have an "open neutral" and told me a brief story involving a fire department.
I left a voicemail on the emergency line of the electrician recommended by my house inspector.
I guess now I look for other recommended electricians near Pelham, NH.
I left a voicemail on the emergency line of the electrician recommended by my house inspector.
I guess now I look for other recommended electricians near Pelham, NH.

no subject
So I can think of two possibilities there - since it's been that way for a while.
Either the neutral feed from the power line has been broken or damaged, which is likely due to environmental exposure to wind and trees and such, or you've got a corroded neutral connection where it connects to your panel, or to the circuits that are affected. If it's outside, the utility might have to deal with it rather than your local electrician.
If you measure the voltage between the hot and the neutral bar and the ground bar in your main breaker panel, instead of just between hot and neutral, you'll likely get some interesting readings as well if this is the case.