Eight years later, I'm still wondering what I could do for <user site="livejournal.com" user="nchant

[darxus]

The last, best advice I got, years ago, was to never speak to her again. So I continue to do that.


People who were close to us when we were together have said we were both abusive to each other. I expect I will always have difficulty wrapping my head around any part of that.

I wasn't a very compassionate person back then. I regret that I didn't treat her better. I've learned quite a lot since then.


Two years ago, I had four hours of BARCC training (active bystander, and first responder). In relation to that, I was one of the people who wore an advocate laminate the last two fireflies. I would say I was meaningfully involved in two men whose behavior was particularly problematic toward women (missing stairs) in the Boston burner community becoming far less involved in that community. I'm very happy to see people becoming more aware of these things, and trying to do something about it.


I'm interested in suggestions. You're welcome to speak freely.

Comments

[moonshadow.livejournal.com]

I don't know how to put this without sounding either flippant or woo-woo about it.

The one thing you can always do? Send white light. (That's the woo-woo explanation.) Wish them well. (That's the flippant explanation.)

Your intention matters. I try, when I think of exes I have unresolved feelings about, at the end of thinking about them, to think or even say "I wish them well." If you can't do anything else, you can still do that.

[blk]

I like this. Both versions. :)

[moonshadow.livejournal.com]

Thanks. What I do is somewhere in between those two things. Maybe... visualizing the person being well and happy, is a good way of describing it.